Wait a minute this seems vaguely familiar. Standing on the outside looking in.

I've made these before old new designs

Did I  press the rewind button? I’m having this feeling that I’ve been here and  I’ve done this before.  Did someone say de javu?

There is this thought in my mind about the cycle in/of  life.  This process of living, the beginning the middle and the end.  Your life experiences that you carry with you, they make you who you are, you learn from them (hopefully), you grow and then you move on to what ever is next.  Many of us will end our lives needing assistance and care just as we entered life, but really don’t we need assistance all through life – it just comes in different forms.

Because of scheduling conflicts I haven’t participated in my local farm market since the first few weeks it opened.  I plan to go back, it  just hasn’t worked out just yet.  Anyway, the county made it perfectly clear from the beginning that they were going to strictly enforce their rule that you have to either grow it or make it yourself, by means of conducting an on site evaluation.  Non of this business of buying from a source and then reselling it as your own. I am all over that policy, LOVE  it and wish that many of the art and craft shows would follow through on this policy that they too claim they enforce.  I’ve passed the inspection on the studio and I have also gotten the thumbs up to make and sell my food products.

Herb sign in the garden

Years ago I made herbal dip mixes, rubs, seasonings etc. as well as a line of hot fruit glazes.  This line sold well, but after a while I was just burned out on schlepping around the food stuff and really wanted to concentrate more on creating my art.  Well, times have changed, nicely put the economy stinks and I’ve been revisiting the idea of making those food items again.  I’ve been pondering how to incorporate the food with the art.  Since I make many kitchen items that are functional I feel that it is a good mix to now include my food products with these items in some form.  I just haven’t completely wrapped my head around this change.  It takes time for me to accept what I feel is sort of set back.  I’ve been saying that I was basically starting my business all over again – saying it and embracing it – hmm.

I know I’m not alone many people in my industry are doing the same and it isn’t just the art and craft world.  I’ve read several stories about successful, once high earning people who have gone from the top of the corporate ladder to now delivering pizza or flipping burgers – it seems to just be a sign of the times.  I can either choose to do nothing and watch my business continue to flounder or be proactive and make the changes in myself and my business to hopefully find success again.

freshly cut baskets of herbs

While I’m thinking of going back to doing what I’ve done before, I know I can’t just put out the same old product and call it a day.  Times have changed, people are purchasing differently and I know my product needs to be reflective of these new times.  I’ll continue to work on these old new ideas and hope to post some updates along the way.

after a good washing the herbs are placed on the table for sorting

Herbs hang briefly in the sun to dry

The drying process is completed in the studio


Our trees are heavy with fruit this year and we should have a good harvest.  For the first time, all three of our Asian pears have fruit – we have had this one tree that has been a stubborn hold-out, we planted it at least 10 years ago and finally it bears fruit, so yeah.  I’m looking forward to doing the canning and working up new recipes.

As you can see in the photos, I have been harvesting my herbs like crazy.

In my life cycle of reoccurring change, this also includes my personal life.

Our friends Karen and Ned, from high school that I’ve written about before, hosted a gathering at their home this past weekend.  Their home is a reflection of them, welcoming and easy to be at.  However, with a lot of dread and anxiety I attended.  I just hate big social gatherings I’m so uncomfortable with them.  I truly have to force myself to be a part of this sort of situation and the fact that this particular event was really an unofficial high school reunion, made me really  not want to attend.

I don’t think I am generally a vain person, however the thought of seeing people I haven’t seen in thirty years,  Oh my, they will see that I’m fat and that my boobs sag down to my knees and that I just may have gray hair (if I didn’t have the best hair magician in the world).

I’ve never attended any of my class reunions, never had any desire to do so.  I have just a few people from that time frame that I maintain contact with.  I didn’t grow up in the area and had not formed prior relationships with any of the other kids. It was four years that were really quite difficult for me and I never felt the need to relive that time.  I felt like I didn’t really fit in.  I’ve mentioned about not playing by the rules and that certainly began in high school – you know needing to wear just the right clothing and hang out with the right people and so on.  I didn’t do it then and I don’t do it now.  As Jimmy Buffett would say “this is who the hell I am.”  And while I can feel comfortable saying that and living the way I want without having to make excuses, I did feel the other night, for the most part,  just like I did in high school, like I was on the outside looking in.

What was interesting was a conversation that I had with two of the ladies as we took a breather in the welcoming ac and a bathroom break – you know there is always a line of women waiting to use the restroom.  We talked about the breakdown of social boundaries  that night, the polite factor that would keep us from talking about our most intimate and private topics in other circumstances, say if we were all meeting for the first time we wouldn’t be talking about our hot flashes and bras that were too tight, but with thirty years behind our relationships we could move beyond those polite lines and share these personal things.

Charles asked me if I had a good time, I feel very ambivalent about it.  Other than Lindsey who was ah, um, lets say,  asleep in the lawn chair we were the last people to leave, so we either had a good time or we are those guests that you just can’t get to leave.  I feel good for going, because it was another step in my quest for making change in my life, facing my uncertainties, and I feel a renewed thankfulness and appreciation for the good life that Charles and I share.

Later this week there is a planned evening together of the group to wish one of those ladies bon voyage as she returns to her current home state.  My first thoughts are that no, I will not be attending.

And so I leave with the same thoughts as I began with  – life is just this big circle of events that we get to do over again, perhaps the circumstances are a little different but it is the opportunity to do it again and make changes if we need or want to and to grow from those experiences.  And then, there are some things we just don’t need to do again.

Until next time,

Cheers!

Kim

Oh by the way, today I also am introducing my new blog design, I’m still tweaking on it – let me know what you think.

One thought on “Wait a minute this seems vaguely familiar. Standing on the outside looking in.

  1. Kim —
    So very proud of you for facing your uncertainties and making these changes. We all need to spread our wings at times and learn to fly just like a baby bird. We may be scared as hell but most of the times, we realize afterwards that it was an adventure that we don’t regret living. Although maybe not so eager to do it again, we force ourselves as we realize in the end that it’s those little baby flights that allow us to grow, spread our wings a bit more and prepare ourselves for what life has to offer down the road of uncertainty.

    I fly with you my dear friend….

    HUGS

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