a road to discovery

I took the plunge to start something new.  I signed up to take a five-week business course.  Not just any course, but a class to help “creative people and their business soar,” taught by a very successful artist, who is willing to share her knowledge and experience.  I’ve never done anything like this before, so it was a huge step.

I was traumatized just introducing myself at roll call last night.  I told Charles, I felt so silly I didn’t even know what to say about myself.  I realized that I had just uttered the words that someone had said to me recently.  At that time I had thought, well how sad is that to not feel like you know who you are, after you have lived a full life?

Panic had kicked in for me.  Wondering just who am I?  What do I say about myself  for an introduction.  My fellow classmates all had such creative introductions and they sounded so fascinating.  Trying to know the answer to who I am and realizing it is just like what I want for my art, to keep growing and discovering new things about myself and about the work that I create.  It isn’t really all that scary, is it?  I am not just one thing, I am the sum of all the past experiences, places, things and loves I have known.  But there is more.  I know there is.  How do I put that into words of introduction?

I’ve allowed myself to continue on a journey of discovery.  I don’t know what is before me.  Hell, I’m not even sure I know what is behind me.

I haven’t even begun the class yet, and the roll call was enough to make me feel completely overwhelmed by all the talented, creative people out there.

Now I’m pissed.  I didn’t sign up to take a class that would make me feel inadequate and unsure of myself and my work.  I paid money for this?

Sigh.

No, I paid for a journey.  A trip.   A road to discovery.  Which I realize isn’t without bumps, hiccups and unknowns.

Is it okay to say that I am still scared, and uncertain?  It is just a class.  Good grief, it isn’t a life time commitment.

I have fastened my seat belt and for better or worse, here I go.

Until next time,

Cheers!

Kim

2 thoughts on “a road to discovery

  1. Bravo brilliant artist friend! So proud of you! Just breathe and enjoy, and remember to keep trusting your intuition. Move outta your head and into your heart and watch the magic happen. Rewarding things in life are usually the ones that seem challenging….funny thing is they really aren’t hard once we jump in. Gosh, isn’t life fun : )

  2. Make the most of it !! Even if you think you haven’t learned something, you still have. Good luck with your schoolwork?

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