Although it has only been a few days since my return from an extended vacation – I already desire to pack my bags and flee.
Home. Home is where I always want to be. Home is where I am safe. Home is where I can be me. I am always glad to return whether it is a quick trip to the grocery store or a long trip of traveling. This is the way it should be. I am very fortunate to have my safe haven – not big, not fancy – just home – a good place to be.
The weather has been dreary, overcast with periods of rain ever since my return. It rather matches my mood – or my mood matches the weather. I’m not sure which it is.
My head aches with lack of sleep, my heart is heavy with painful, complicated and difficult family issues of dealing with a parent that suffers from dementia and another family member with unresolved health issues. Both of these situations took on another round of complications during my vacation. While I was away my head was burdened with all of this and I could not fully engage in the relaxation I wanted. I felt the need to be back at home. Now, I wish to be away – free from these thoughts, and the reality of life. I’m a chicken. I don’t want to cope with what is in front of me. I just want to run away.
I have forever dealt with any unpleasant issues in my life by, clamming up and not talking, not sharing, just enduring in my head and heart my personal torment.
Finally, slowly, quietly and with great uncertainty I am reaching out to others.
Yesterday I received a personal message from a woman who I call a stranger – I do not know her, I’ve never met her – and yet I call her a kindred spirit – we have a connection – we never would have met if not for the internet. She contacted me yesterday and shared a kind word – a gift that swelled my heart and made me feel not so alone. She is a wonderful artist, a kind and generous human being that is strong and brave in her personal fight against Parkinson Disease. She is courageous and funny. She inspires me and I can feel her presence, even though we live thousands of miles apart.
Her name is Cindy – she shared a favorite poem with me, and I am sharing it with you.
Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I gain the embrace of the universe;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.
Each condition I flee from pursues me,
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game.
To play it is purest delight;
To honor its form–true devotion.
Until next time,