The sun is just up and I sit quietly watching it pass through the leaves on the trees creating a green and gold stained glass effect.
I have the window open and a cool breeze is carrying the sounds of roosters crowing and geese honking. Occasionally a cow or a sheep will add their input too. These are the sounds of my country life that I love dearly.
I realize that fall is upon us and I wonder where has this summer gone?
I close my eyes, taking in the smell of bacon cooking, and I can hear my husband in the kitchen sharpening the knives. Slow methodical sound of metal on metal. I lose my train of thought.
This week one of our cats died in the night. It was not unexpected. It was a long week of me holding him, wrapped tightly in a blanket; trying to comfort both him and myself. It was another one of those sucky events that seems to have been stacking up one after another, all year-long.
The only trip I’ve taken this summer has been to hell and back.
I close my eyes again, trying to escape and concentrate on a visual of waves gently washing to shore, white foam slowly and gently pulling back out to sea until the next wave brings it to shore again.
That smell of bacon though, lets me know exactly where I am.
There has been so much chaos around me this year. I’ve tried to find meaning, make sense and control it. I’ve tried to keep a facade of normal.
I have been struggling to save the world for everyone else, to make things better for them. Meanwhile I lost myself. I became physically ill, and emotionally drained.
Unable to find pleasure in my art or studio time, I’ve found other ways to lose myself.
My pack-rat ways have left me feeling overwhelmed and in need of simplifying. I’ve spent long hours, sorting, cleaning and giving and throwing away my excess.
I found my prized child-hood stuffed bear, Frosty Bear as I called him – he was my Linus’ blanket.
A bath, and a day drying in the sunshine, brought some life back in this almost 50-year-old bear, and curiosity in Mr. Bonez.
Every now and again, I long for those simple days when a stuffed animal by my side makes the world better and keeps my worries away.
Until next time,